my year of R&R without the downers

What a week. Month. Year? I feel like I’m simultaneously losing my mind and thinking clearer than I ever have. I’ve been wrestling between the indisputable fact that I need to return to myself and the trauma bond of needing to give all myself to organizing for craft club. I’m tired. I’ve been doing this for 3 years. I love serving our community and making an impact, but I also need to take care of myself.

For so long, this was my identity. It still is, and always will be, a part of me. But it’s become so clear that I need to take the time I need to pursue my own creative pursuits. It’s more than simply “not having time for myself”. It’s that I am incapable of balancing all I want to do with craft club with all I need to do for myself. It’s not you, it’s me, Craft Club.

I…get too excited! I love craft club so much, and I love how much it inspires me. The problem is, I make promises with a very high mental and emotional load that make them hard to keep. With the fun comes a lot of real work, and I should be spending what limited time I have after my capitalistic hellscape job taking care of my needs. Especially before organizing for a community. Something, something, secure your mask before helping someone else.

There’s just goals now that I want to keep for myself. My relationship to my organizing has more of a priority in my life than those goals, but I need to reduce the hours to make room for other things. Sigh. I will. I must. I’m actively doing so. But it’s hard.

I just love the thing I’ve built so much. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done. It makes me feel like I have a use beyond deliverables and ROI. However, I need to start investing in myself now. I have developed my sense of self and craft club + everyone I’ve met there is responsible for that. But it’s time to use the skills i’ve developed.

Some goals I would love to achieve

Start lifting again
Consistent schedule/calmer weeks
More time with my partner and bandwidth to do creative pursuits with them
Sew/knit/crochet more items for my wardrobe
Start a consistent vlogging schedule/upload to my youtube channel
Add more to this site
Learn SVG animation
Bake and cook more, for joy
Read at least 2 books per month
Play through some of my nintendo DS game backlog + blog about it
Make more zines + experiment with riso more

Bigger goals & ideas I’m playing with

Create enough pieces for an art show
Learn pattern drafting/playing with clothing design
Start volunteering for other orgs around the city
Move to a larger apartment + decorate it
Make my own creative studio for vibes (goes with point #1)
- Not actually a real business lmao just my own personal brand that’s not my name
Create a cookbook/photo book
Create some sort of web application